Bullying: How do you defend against bullying?
Clearly, the first step is to take care of your mental and physical health. But until you escape from the shadow of the bully, it will be very hard to fully recover your health.
When possible, the best suggestion seems to be to stand up for yourself on the spot. That is, politely but firmly tell the bully that s/he cannot talk down to you that way. When the bully starts in with the constant criticism, don’t justify yourself and don’t apologize, but ask for the specific documented evidence on which the criticism is based.
When the bully explodes and starts shouting at you, you don’t have to sit and take it; calmly excuse yourself to go to the bathroom or get a drink. In other words, don’t be insubordinate, but be assertive and don’t let the bully walk all over you.
Never respond emotionally. When you are calm, you can talk to the bully and cite examples of problem behavior. Ask that the offensive behavior stop.
Document the behavior. Even if you don’t plan on pursuing the harassment through official channels, writing down what happened, what was said, and who witnessed it can help you get your thoughts in order.
Create a culture where you support your co-workers and they support you. Stand up for one another. It will help you survive a toxic environment.
Find someone in a position of authority who can help you stand up to the bully. This may not be the bully’s supervisor, who has to this point shown support for the work of the bully.
You need to figure out: Does support for the bullying employee mean the supervisor knows but ignores the bullying? Or does that mean the boss is clueless – and if so, would s/he be an ally if s/he did know, or does the organizational culture or the boss’ personality make it unlikely s/he would intervene?
Yes, you can always come to the MU Equity Office and we will try to help.
Authorities are unanimous that leaving is a viable last resort. Only you can judge when you have exhausted your options and, for the sake of your health and your family, need to get another job. Quitting is not “failure”; it is one strategy for dealing with a workplace bully.